Everything we think, say or do is a direct result of our prior experiences.
When we are born, we are the most open minded, free, spontaneous, liberated and uninhibited we will ever be. We have no prior biases, experiences, judgments to color our brand new world yet. All information coming at us is fresh, unbiased and ready to understand anew.
Within a few days and following weeks, our brain quickly starts putting meaning to our experiences. If I feel hunger, I cry. If I cry, I am fed. If I am fed, I am satisfied. Food = Satisfaction. Also, more complicated meanings are being noted in the brain. Next time, I want satisfaction of any kind (not just feeding), I can cry. Crying causes Mommy to come by to check on me & comfort me. Mommy = Comfort.
As we grow as a child, verbal and non-verbal communication starts. We are told “NO” to certain things and “Be careful”, or simply given “the eye” and we start putting a meaning to the words spoken and behaviors around us. “Touching something hot is dangerous” is something many kids learn not because they have actually experienced it for themselves but told so by grown-ups every time they’ve ventured near a stove, an iron or an electric socket. As a child, some experiences leaves us with rewards like hugs and kisses and others leave us with a stern reprimand. In this way, others around us affect how we see the world.
As we grow older, we start going through our own experiences. There are things we see, hear, feel (touch), smell and taste. Our five senses bring in external information into our brain. What our brain does is pass it through a filter. Our brain runs a subconscious program and distorts, deletes or generalizes (based on our prior experiences) this external information and filters it to create our very own internal representation. What we have essentially done is we have created a unique frame around the “painting” and now it has a unique meaning to us. Since it is uniquely our frame, someone else may not see that same painting our way because they have got a different frame around that same painting. Also, my frame will make me behave in a certain way because I feel a certain way. This pathway from an external input to my behavior usually happens in a fraction of a second.We start putting more meaning to our experiences – this is good and that is bad, this is right and that is wrong. This is the way our own unique experiences and "frames" shape our thinking and the meaning we give to our world.
It is wonderful if the frame you’ve chosen for your "painting" uplifts and expands you. If, however, every time you look at that painting, it makes you unhappy, uncomfortable and uneasy, and brings out unwanted behavior, instead of throwing out the painting, maybe it’s time for a new and different frame.
As an NLP coach, it is imperative that I recognize the various frameworks people use subconsciously by listening to their language closely (remember that the L in NLP stands for Linguistic). With simple and uniquely researched language tools, I can help you undo your old learnings and old self-limiting beliefs and discover your new and more self-serving frame. If you feel you are struggling with self-limiting behaviors and thought patterns or belief systems, you may consider few 1-on-1 sessions with Anew Mind Anew You. Change your frame and it will change your outlook and future experiences positively and permanently.
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